I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
