You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
