I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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