My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i think my cat just said my name.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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