Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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