I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
