Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
