Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
