Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize