So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
May the power of my ass compel you!!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize