OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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