dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
