Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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