drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
