I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
only if we run a train.
done.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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