This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
