I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
