I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just gift wrapped bread.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
