Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
