i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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