before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
