Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
