4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
