I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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