I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize