Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
