so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
