Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
