i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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