Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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