I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
