My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
