Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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