So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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