i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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