I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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