just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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