Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
