its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
