I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
