u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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