I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
