OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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