She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
