I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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