Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize