The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
