dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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