she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
