Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
