i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
