Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize