Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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