Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
