No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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