You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
