i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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