I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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