Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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