Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
