those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
