They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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