I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
