yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
