I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
