brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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