You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
