at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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