his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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