I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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