I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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