i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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