just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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