i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
