It's like God shit irony all over that family
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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