How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
