He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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