You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
