I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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