you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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