I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
