Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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