Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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