there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
well you can't waste a boner
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Text me some of your sweat
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
