My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So vagazzling was a success
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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